Where Did Joe and Devo Go
Travel, Friendship, Giggles
“It is the right of a traveller to vent their frustration at every minor inconvenience by writing of it to their friends.”
— Jonathan Strange
Greece
Day Null: Travel Day
I could have sworn the guy next to me ordered cherry juice. “Did he just say cherry juice?” I thought and looked around. Everyone was drinking wine. Maybe he said sherry. Sherry, please.
Day 1: Athens is Not a Margarita Town
We met a dog at a crossroads and Joe asked him which way to go. He asked us, “Where are you headed?” I’m kidding he barked at us so we turned around and went the other way. It was an answer of sorts.
Day 2: Biomass
I’d say the only real problem with what we did today comes from society and the idea that if you’re not doing things ALL THE TIME you’re basically a loser. Especially when you’re on vacation in a foreign city oh man if you’re not exhausted at the end of your vacation did you even take…
Day 3: The Most Important Milos of the Day
We have arrived on the island of Milos. The island where the Venus de Milo was discovered. An island, according to the travel magazine on the ferry, “characterized by eroticism and unparalleled beauty.” It’s pretty, I’ll give it that.
Day 4: Another Day for Milos!
We finished eating and headed out for Kastanas beach. A (nudist) beach according to google maps. As we would learn throughout the day, this is a meaningless distinction. Every beach is a nude beach, especially if you’re an old man.
Day 5: Mostly Milos, Teeny Bit Santorini
It quickly dawned on us that, whether we wanted to or not, we were about to face a test. Maybe it wasn’t what we’d set out for, maybe we hadn’t prepared for it, but it was here. The yes-or-no answer to the question, “Are you cool?”
Day 6: For Relaxing Times, Make it Santorini Time
Then we went to all four bars in Fira. Murphy’s, Two Brothers, The Highlander, and Kira Thira. They were all different but they all featured a saxophone as a decoration somewhere.
Day 7: Black Sanded
When she brought out our food, the waitress asked which one of us was Greek. This is the highest compliment a tourist can receive and I believe was earned purely on the strength of our food order.
Day 8: Myko-yes!
Great, I though, we’re gonna pay ten euro each to get stuffed onto this crowded dance floor. Turns out stuffed onto a dance floor is my preferred way to dance. I’m never sure what to do with my arms anyway so it’s a relief to have them pinned to my body.
Day 9: This Party Lifestyle is Not For Us
What are we doing? What are YOU doing. Don’t ask us questions like that. We’re wondering where your parents are, that’s what we’re doing.
Day 10: Heraklion We Go
They played fast. They played slow. They played bright. They played heavy. It takes real talent to make a flute sound heavy. They were basically the Led Zeppelin of classical Greek instrumental music.
Day 11: The More You Knossos
He pushed the button for English and only like, four words turned to English so Joe was like, fuck that, and walked over to the human-being kiosk and bought two tickets from him. Then we walked straight on to a bus that took us straight to the Palace of Knossos. Way to go Joe.
Day 12: Crete Jungle
There are no ferrets on Crete but there is something called a Least Weasel, which, as far as names go, is right up there with Pension George. I think the proper article to use when referring to a Least Weasel is ‘the.’ As in, “That’s the Least Weasel of any weasel I’ve ever seen.”
Day 13: I’m Writing This from a Pair of Joe’s Underwear
We were too close to it to even get a sense of the shape of the plane. All I wanted was a sense of the shape. Nick made a joke about it not really being a plane but some garbage they put out there to fool the tourists. Not funny, Nick. That one hits a…
Read On Day 13: I’m Writing This from a Pair of Joe’s Underwear
Day 14: Backlion to Heraklion
For the first time I noticed the one Joe was wearing was cut much higher than the one I had on. I found this to be hilarious and Joe insisted that I had known the whole time and had purposefully given him the ‘sexier’ suit. I promise this is not the case. Pure luck of…
Day 15: Day 15?
This trip is over. It ended when we got back to Heraklion. All we’re on now is a two day ride to the airport. We’re gliding in on residual energy. We’re running out of euros, clean clothes, and patience.
Day 16: Acropolis Now: Redux, Skate Parth, Gyro Trash, Back to DeFacto, Trip Home, all of it.
While I was waiting I was treated to a familiar scene in any country, an old lady hectoring the old man at the bakery counter. It felt good to be there, like I was firmly embedded in everyday Greek life.
Vietnam/Hong Kong
100 Gate Dash
This trip did not start slowly. I walked off the jetway in Hong Kong with 45 minutes to make my connection and an unblemished naïveté about what it was going to take to do that. Fortunately, the good men and women of the HKIA are used to receiving international jackasses.
Day 1: Hanoi and the International Language of Sideburns
it started pouring rain. Hard rain. Heavy rain. The lady offered to lend us one poncho. I’m not sure but I think she was suggesting that we sit on each other’s shoulders and wear the long poncho like two kids trying to pass themselves off as an adult.
Read On Day 1: Hanoi and the International Language of Sideburns
Day 2: A Dramatic Reassessment
“That’s enough.” I said. He seemed to accept this. And we got back on our way. We rode for another 15 minutes until we got to a road with a ton of scooters on it. He waved us on and left. Nice guy, really. He shook us down for about 15 bucks but I gladly…
Day 3: The Hanoi that Rocks the Cradle
“Oh yeah sure you just stay on this road here, go straight through the roundabout, keep the river on your right. Eventually you’ll see a super tall pagoda off to your left, that’s where you hit the 1A. Go the wrong way up the exit ramp, I’m sure I don’t have to tell you that’s…
Day 4: Da Nang Offers a Free Flow of Spare Ribs
It occurred to me yesterday that without this bizarre schedule, the blog might not be happening so embrace it! Revel in these free hours before the day gets going. However, if you came here to read about what happens in Vietnam after 10pm, you’re going to be disappointed because I do not know.
Day 5: We Get Fleeced and Wooled in Hoi An
An eerie calm settled over the table as we waited for the broth to boil. The restaurant cleared out. I shifted in my seat, suddenly unable to get comfortable. Two geckos chased each other on the wall. I poked the larb. Finally the broth was bubbling and the battle was joined.
Day 6: Engaging the Service
Joe went in the water and said it was hot. He also said there were visible fish. I’m not sure if this was a selling point or a deterrent. I skipped it. Warm sea water is nice but not for a super hot day. It’s like when people keep their pools too warm. Pools are…
Day 7: Halfway Home
There were a bunch of dogs sleeping near one of the temple entrances. Joe tried to get close enough to get a picture but they noticed that he hadn’t taken his shoes off and started barking. It was pretty alarming given how quiet the place was, so we fled the scene.
Day 8: Riders in the Storm
Out in front of us, where the road should have been spooled out through the pretty countryside, someone had taken a pencil eraser and rubbed away the picture that was supposed to be there. All that was left was a great grey smudge where our path should have been. And it was getting closer by…
Day 9: Saigon Food Party
This day was kind of a slow day, but I think we needed a slow day. I know I did. I’m still fighting a head cold and my patience for scooter traffic is wearing thin. No one walks here. If you have to walk somewhere, you ride a scooter. I even saw a man carrying…
Day 10: No One Said Getting to the Quilt Store Was Going to be Easy
The bun cha was delicious and was far superior to the bun ca, in my opinion. Little sausage patties in a delicious broth with noodles and greens. Probably my favorite dish so far. We managed to take zero pictures of it. I didn’t even take a picture of the right menu page. We are terrible…
Read On Day 10: No One Said Getting to the Quilt Store Was Going to be Easy
Day 11: Saigon Swan Song
So with the curtains drawn and the K-pop blaring, perhaps it’s time we looked in. Time we we leaned into the mirror and traced the lines that years, pain, and lack of a decent moisturizer have scored into our faces. Time we washed our hands of the emotional and physical grime that one accumulates in…
Day 12: SGN -> HKG
I thought I had a good thing going with this country. They aren’t overly eager to do shit for you like take your bags up to the room or load them into cabs, but this lady was determined to get my coffee for me. So I waited until she left her post and went for…
Day 13: Still Funny After All These Days
He was so drunk he kept skipping Joe’s turn and the game ended when he stopped playing completely to tell us, that his father and grandfather were the heart of Beijing? Or possibly that he was old, but young at heart? Something about 100 years? Then he was carted away by his friends and we…
Day 14: Peak Tram
This is something that everyone agrees you have to do. With our morning already squandered and a dinner reservation at 7, we set out to summit this bitch. What lay ahead was impossible to know so we did what all endurance climbers do when they’re prepping for a difficult climb, ate burgers and cheese fries…
Day 15: The Voyage Home
We checked our bags at the front desk, and set out on our last restaurant wander. This is where I follow Joe for a half hour as he walks past 30 restaurants where I would happily eat until he finds just the right one. I call it the Joe Paradox. Given the number of habitable…
Bonus Post! The Videos
We’ve been getting A LOT of requests for a playlist of our most watched videos while in the hotel rooms of Vietnam. We probably saw each of these videos upwards of 10 times. Enjoy, or suffer, as we did.