“It is the right of a traveller to vent their frustration at every minor inconvenience by writing of it to their friends.”
— Jonathan Strange

Greece

Day 15: Day 15?

This trip is over. It ended when we got back to Heraklion. All we’re on now is a two day ride to the airport. We’re gliding in on residual energy. We’re running out of euros, clean clothes, and patience.

Day 14: Backlion to Heraklion

For the first time I noticed the one Joe was wearing was cut much higher than the one I had on. I found this to be hilarious and Joe insisted that I had known the whole time and had purposefully given him the ‘sexier’ suit. I promise this is not the case. Pure luck of the draw.

Day 13: I’m Writing This from a Pair of Joe’s Underwear

We were too close to it to even get a sense of the shape of the plane. All I wanted was a sense of the shape. Nick made a joke about it not really being a plane but some garbage they put out there to fool the tourists. Not funny, Nick. That one hits a little too close to home.

Day 12: Crete Jungle

There are no ferrets on Crete but there is something called a Least Weasel, which, as far as names go, is right up there with Pension George. I think the proper article to use when referring to a Least Weasel is ‘the.’ As in, “That’s the Least Weasel of any weasel I’ve ever seen.”

Day 11: The More You Knossos

He pushed the button for English and only like, four words turned to English so Joe was like, fuck that, and walked over to the human-being kiosk and bought two tickets from him. Then we walked straight on to a bus that took us straight to the Palace of Knossos. Way to go Joe.

Day 10: Heraklion We Go

They played fast. They played slow. They played bright. They played heavy. It takes real talent to make a flute sound heavy. They were basically the Led Zeppelin of classical Greek instrumental music.

Day 8: Myko-yes!

Great, I though, we’re gonna pay ten euro each to get stuffed onto this crowded dance floor. Turns out stuffed onto a dance floor is my preferred way to dance. I’m never sure what to do with my arms anyway so it’s a relief to have them pinned to my body.

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Vietnam

Bonus Post! The Videos

We’ve been getting A LOT of requests for a playlist of our most watched videos while in the hotel rooms of Vietnam. We probably saw each of these videos upwards of 10 times. Enjoy, or suffer, as we did.

Day 15: The Voyage Home

We checked our bags at the front desk, and set out on our last restaurant wander. This is where I follow Joe for a half hour as he walks past 30 restaurants where I would happily eat until he finds just the right one. I call it the Joe Paradox. Given the number of habitable restaurants in the known universe, why hasn’t Joe attempted to contact one?

Day 14: Peak Tram

This is something that everyone agrees you have to do. With our morning already squandered and a dinner reservation at 7, we set out to summit this bitch. What lay ahead was impossible to know so we did what all endurance climbers do when they’re prepping for a difficult climb, ate burgers and cheese fries and forgot to bring water.

Day 13: Still Funny After All These Days

He was so drunk he kept skipping Joe’s turn and the game ended when he stopped playing completely to tell us, that his father and grandfather were the heart of Beijing? Or possibly that he was old, but young at heart? Something about 100 years? Then he was carted away by his friends and we finished the game with Oscar, a good dart player and a serviceable singer.

Day 12: SGN -> HKG

I thought I had a good thing going with this country. They aren’t overly eager to do shit for you like take your bags up to the room or load them into cabs, but this lady was determined to get my coffee for me. So I waited until she left her post and went for it. I got to the coffee station, grabbed a cup and turned around to go back to my table. There she was, filling the cup I’d left at the table. Fine. Stand there and watch me double fist these coffees.

Day 11: Saigon Swan Song

So with the curtains drawn and the K-pop blaring, perhaps it’s time we looked in. Time we we leaned into the mirror and traced the lines that years, pain, and lack of a decent moisturizer have scored into our faces. Time we washed our hands of the emotional and physical grime that one accumulates in this ceaseless pursuit of money and bad decisions, and ponder the murk as it slowly drains away. On second thought, maybe it’s time to talk about this thing.

Day 10: No One Said Getting to the Quilt Store Was Going to be Easy

The bun cha was delicious and was far superior to the bun ca, in my opinion. Little sausage patties in a delicious broth with noodles and greens. Probably my favorite dish so far. We managed to take zero pictures of it. I didn’t even take a picture of the right menu page. We are terrible food bloggers.

Day 9: Saigon Food Party

This day was kind of a slow day, but I think we needed a slow day. I know I did. I’m still fighting a head cold and my patience for scooter traffic is wearing thin. No one walks here. If you have to walk somewhere, you ride a scooter. I even saw a man carrying a tray with two bowls of soup, on a scooter. For real? How far are you taking that soup?

Day 8: Riders in the Storm

Out in front of us, where the road should have been spooled out through the pretty countryside, someone had taken a pencil eraser and rubbed away the picture that was supposed to be there. All that was left was a great grey smudge where our path should have been. And it was getting closer by the minute. By the time the first drops hit me I was still coming to terms with what was happening. Then we rode right into the teeth of a monster storm.

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